The Music

I sit listening to the music

I let the note of someone voice float over me
overtaking me

Wishing that I could do what they do
to break out and write something masterful
but I can't

I don't have the creativity
the style
the brain power
the skill, drive, talent

Not to do something life changing
like writing a song
that will mean something to someone, somewhere

But I'll keep trying
and wishing

For the music to come to me

I lied

I made it over
the mountain
breathing
gasping for more air

The sweat on my palms feels like slime
and my legs are
numb numb numb
and my heart races

My bags are packed
and I'm ready to go
but ready to leave you behind?
I don't think I'll ever know

One of These Days

One of these days
I'm gonna break for good
and no one will have a chance of fixing me

I'll be how I've always been meant to be
finally
shattered into pieces

Then anyone can have me
anyone and everyone
all at the same time

But no one will want me
anyways
I'm no hot commodity

I'm just some lowly girl
who sings
and writes stupid poetry

Digging

I dig
holes for myself to crawl into all the time
and my nails sink into the skin on my arm--
not really a meaning

The tears don't fall, though I feel them build and build
but they hide, they grow, they tower
but they never come
and my break down becomes invisible

Because--
I. am. breaking.
inside I'm falling to my death
from the top of the world
to the bottom of the ocean.

Falling, falling, falling
like a child in a game
except there's no joy here--
not with so much to lose

I'm not going to make it over the mountain
I'm going to teeter on the top
I'm going to explode--
out over the country

and no one will find all the pieces
not ever
even if they looked
which I doubt.

Man of My Dreams

If I could sail across the sea
To search for the love of my life,
The first place I'd go to look
Has a flag of orange, green and white.
The men, they all are gorgeous,
And their accents weaken my knees,
They drink and fight and play their sports
But, I bet they'd make time for me

I Can't Breathe

I'm drowning
In the covers of my bed
There's no where to come up for air
Because I'm alone
No one to hold me up
And I've realized
That's all I need to keep afloat
Someone to hug
To snuggle
To wrap my arms around
And hide in when things get hard
Like a pillow
That lives and breathes

I want to help

I see the struggling
I want to help
I love them so much
I hate to see this going on
I just want to help
I dont want to make them feel helpless
I stand alone on the street
Waiting for help to come along

Dead

Its done
And over
You've said what you need too
Friends
Words that hurt worse then
The End

Rubble

My heart leaves dust as it shatters
Not from being broken or crushed
From time
Waiting for it to pass
Its taking too long
The whispers of your answers like the wind blowing the rubble away

Fluid

Waves
Crashing over my head
Rushing
Past my brain cells
Ringing
In my every molecule
Indescribable
The feeling of the music

Mistaken Identity

You don't remember the same things?
How we were best friends?
You don't remember the days in the ball pit or watching cartoons?
You say that you don't recall any of it.
I'm grasping at straws to get you to have a flashback.
But sometimes our pasts and childhoods are easier forgotten when you stay put.

Post Important News

I'm confused
Whats going on?
Am I here?
Or am I there?
Where are you?
I can see that we aren't going to get anywhere like this
So maybe
I'll take that chance
And risk everything I have
To ask you
Those things

Falling out

Cant we all just get along?
Why aren't we getting along?
The more I talk to you,
The more I question why we are friends.
The way you walk
Talk
Speak
Think
And even breath
Contradicts everything I say
I'm not better then you
I'm not the same person as you
I don't have ALL the same views as you
And it seems I might not be the same person I was when we met
And became so close
To friends

This has been your captain speaking

I'm gonna pretend like this journey never happened
That you never stepped on
You never sat in these seats
Or heard those cautions
Or saw those warnings so plain in front of you
Because you obviously didn't care for them
Didn't follow the rules of this ride
Now one of us is gonna pay for it
And the thing that scares me the most
Is that you didn't even hear me screaming for help

Whats wrong with the world?

Spinning in circles
Round and round
A young child is pointed and laughed at
The crowd cackles and gestures
While the young one screams
"Whats wrong with you?"

I hate being second

The race starts up with out warning
I know I'll never win
Yet I still run and am disappointed every time you speed up
I'll never pass you
I'll never have a chance
Because you'll always be number one
And I'll always come in last

When am I not

Thinking?
Singing?
Confused?
Scared?
Sad?
When does the world make sense?
And when does it stop spinning around and around me?
I feel the world wrapping itself around me
My arms and legs tingling with its pressure
But am I ready to become "one with the world"?
Or do I just want to go home and sleep?

I'll never forget

The way we held hands

When we sat and watched pointless movies

Hours spent talking on the phone

And those spent listening to each others breath through the ear piece

Numerous nights waiting for light to come so I could call you

Or waiting for you to get online

Nor will I ever regret anything more then not trusting you, and not kissing you more while I had the chance.

I'll let you get it

The door
The phone
My jacket
The mail
The trash
My heart
The last slice of pizza
The remote
My trust
But its up to you, to do the right things with them

Running Away

I'll keep running from your face in my mind
For I am scared that for once it wont reject me
And that I'll fall again and again
Until one time, you will actually catch me
And I'll be so shocked
That I'll die
Right then and there
But for now, I'll keep running
Because I doubt that I have any need for those fears

If you must know

I hate you.
Did you know that?
I didn't think so.
Because I never told you.
I'm always there telling you how much I'm in love with you.
Yet I'm so hesitant about expressing my absolute hatred of you?
And if you must know why I have this fear.
Its because its sprung from how much you don't return my love.
And the resent I carry from that.
Confussing, huh?