I lied

I made it over
the mountain
breathing
gasping for more air

The sweat on my palms feels like slime
and my legs are
numb numb numb
and my heart races

My bags are packed
and I'm ready to go
but ready to leave you behind?
I don't think I'll ever know

One of These Days

One of these days
I'm gonna break for good
and no one will have a chance of fixing me

I'll be how I've always been meant to be
finally
shattered into pieces

Then anyone can have me
anyone and everyone
all at the same time

But no one will want me
anyways
I'm no hot commodity

I'm just some lowly girl
who sings
and writes stupid poetry

Digging

I dig
holes for myself to crawl into all the time
and my nails sink into the skin on my arm--
not really a meaning

The tears don't fall, though I feel them build and build
but they hide, they grow, they tower
but they never come
and my break down becomes invisible

Because--
I. am. breaking.
inside I'm falling to my death
from the top of the world
to the bottom of the ocean.

Falling, falling, falling
like a child in a game
except there's no joy here--
not with so much to lose

I'm not going to make it over the mountain
I'm going to teeter on the top
I'm going to explode--
out over the country

and no one will find all the pieces
not ever
even if they looked
which I doubt.