I can't Tell

I can't tell if this
Is just the lagging's of a hangover
Or genuine self doubt
Or loneliness like I've never before felt.

I can't tell how it
Would feel to touch your lips to mine
Or to let you know how I feel
Or to inflict some act of violence on those who hate me.

I can't tell what it
Would take to bring me back to normal
Or to make me speak the truth
Or to finally break down and cry.

I can't tell you
Everything I'm feeling inside
Or the bitter sting of rejection I feel from such little things
Or that I can't decide which of you I truly like.

-College Feelings-

There are so many feelings
Rushing up to great me
Every single day here.

Some are wonderful;
A new friendship
A smile, a handshake, a soft touch

And some are confusing;
A fading dream
An unfinished essay, a sneer, an avoidance

It's all so unnerving
Everything that's happening
At college.

Lonesome

Just when everything feels natural.
When I've become someone so
Different then I've ever been before.
The same feeling hits,
That maybe people don't like me as much
As I thought they did.
And we aren't really friends.
And I'm not really a part of the group.
So I'm stuck,
Alone,
In a room by myself listening to the sounds
Of happiness threw my window.

Books

I read these stories
In the big books on my shelves.
But I can't help but notice,
My thoughts aren't nearly as linear
As the characters I read about.

Am I just a jumbled mess of words?
Or is it them?
Are they the ones who have it all wrong?
The only way to know, is to keep reading.

College Is Less Than 1 Month Away

I can't stand it.
Leaving here
Where all my memories
Have been born.

I can't hold on-
Can't grip the rock
Of reality. And below me
Are the sharp rocks of the unknown.

I glance out my familiar window
And see the same sight
That I've seen everyday
Of my familiar life.

What's in store?
What's around that river bend?
All I can see
Is the blank vastness of opportunity.

The Never-ending End

I feel it when I'm with you.
It's something that I just
Cannot explain;
This spark between you and

I

You are so reliable.

I find myself trusting you with

Every piece of me;

Keeping my heart just where it was

Left

There is no one else I'd rather have.

No one else I'd die for

Everyday, even now;

I love

You

With all your talent and grace.

I could admire you

For the rest of my life;

My ovation is

Standing

First sight had me shoot.

Straight through to

The heart;

Like a voice whispering, "look-

There

You held me every night.

Reassuring me that things would

Turn out better;

That I'd never be

Alone.

Moving Forward

It always happens.
We all grow up.
We all leave.
We all get left.
The key is to just embrace it;
Abandon the fear.
Acceptance is the thing.