The Room

There's so much space here now.
Blank walls;
Empty drawers;
Desk Space.

What am I going to do with it?
Use it to make Birthday Cards and Valentines-
For the ones who shut me out,
And leave the planning to me?

Curl up on that extra bed,
Waiting for messages that never come;
Doing homework;
Getting drunk and homesick.

The white walls taunt me.
"No new photos to pin on us?"
"No creativity to cover the canvas?"
Emptiness.

This big room.
Not enough of me to fill it.
Lock myself in
And sit alone.

Alone

Fuck you-
Inviting me in and then ignoring me.
Seducing me into a false sense of belonging
And then taking it away.
I can here you in the hall;
Voices drunk with inclusion.
Slowly seeping into my brain
And pulling at the nagging edges,
Proving that I don't belong

A Message to Society

Give me some time to think-
Some room to breathe.
I can't focus under your stifling judgments.
And who are you to judge?
I've never seen you around here
When things get tough
Or when I'm lower than low.
You just hang on the highs;
My upward moving moments.
So you don't get to dissect the parts of me you see-
Not until you've seen all of me-
Then you can inquire about what those parts truly mean.

A Poem Written With My New Haiku Blocks

-A Regret About Our World-

His one brothers words
Between all war, with no God
It's life that he fears

Air Pressure

This build-up of pressure,
Tonight
Could kill me.

Leaving me exploding,
Into numbness
Is so unfair.

Worse then the truth-
Sending chills up my arms,
Suspending me in consciousness.

I can't change this
I can't do this
I can't walk away.

Please save me
From this endless self-destruction
And say I'm yours.

So Fucking Over It!

There's something so strange
About the way you can still
Make me shake with grief
And slam things in anger
Just with a glance
And a few simple words,
Meant for someone else-
Anyone else.

That night we sat,
Holding hands
In the flickering glare of the images on TV.
You smelling of booze,
And me just buzzed enough to let things happen.
You USED me,
You BROKE me,
And just for a moment
You WANTED me.
And that's what I can't let go.
So I'll sit here,
Falling for someone, who's not you,
And I'll just be angry
That I was stupid enough to care about that night.

Unexpressed

I'm writing you letters that I'll never send you-
Drawing doodles that I'll never show you-
Singing songs that will never be about you-

I wish I could-
I wish I would-
I wish that we could be.