NaPoWriMo Day 2

-High Tech Vs. Low Tech-

When I put my pencil to paper-
My mind goes blank...
My idea's never seem to flow properly in this form.
I'm so technology based,
That they only really come out-
When I'm typing them up.
The words, rhymes, and rhythms,
Seem to just happen.
So I'll revise this as I type it,
To see if it looks better on my laptop screen,
Then it did in my messy old notebook.

NaPoWriMo Day 1

-Waiting For April-

I've been waiting
Impatiently,
Excitedly,
Eagerly,
Anxiously,
For the first day of this month.
So I can set my pen to paper,
My fingers to the keys,
And share my heart with the world
Once again

Still Bleeding

This shouldn't still hurt me
I shouldn't still have this open wound
I should have let this go along time ago
Days, weeks, months, years

But here I am
Still cut up and bleeding from that wound
From so long ago
And you just keep pouring salt in it

I shouldn't make it worse
But I do
I push and push
And get frustrated from all the times you bump the open sore

I don't seem to get it through my head
It's not going to heal if you keep picking at it
Never going to close up and go away
If you keep it open, to fester

So maybe it's time
To wrap it up in some gauze
And just wait
For the bleeding wound to heal

I stand alone

I stand on the rug in the middle of the room

I wait for you to pull it out from under me
Crossing my fingers
Hoping you won't

And you do
And I'm left in my bare feet
Crying over the bruises my legs and heart obtain

I pick myself up, and stand alone

Masks

Sometimes I question my path
My goals, dreams, future
Why do I keep doing what I'm doing?
No one cares anyways, it's all for everyone else.

Sure I love what I do
Sure I do it for me, most of the time
But what is the point if no one is there to see the view you've painted just for them?
What if it doesn't even matter to anyone but those involved.

I'm questioning if I'm good at anything at all
All it seems I'm good at lately is putting on an act
For everyone else.
Not me.

All.
For.
Them.
And they don't even care.

Can't let go

Sitting
At home, alone
Just thinking of how to trip you up,
To make you fall for me again.
About how I miss the days when you told me I was beautiful
And where I could call you mine
And I could talk to you without censoring or feeling crazy.

Then I get a message from him.
He's crazy and obsessive and slightly creepy,
but when I look at him, and the way he does things,
I realize I'm almost like him.
Trying to force you to love me
When you just want to be rid of me.
And I can't bring myself to change
And to finally let you go, go, go.

Not really over

I feel the keys under my fingers
I hear the words in my head
I know I shouldn't go down this road again
But somehow I justify it again
and again
and again

When will this cycle break?
When will I accept that its over
Never gonna happen again
He doesn't love you anymore
as if he ever did
he probably never did

So my heart shutters and fails
And my mind shuts down and cries
But my fingers move to push me
Down that road again
and again
and again