NaPoWriMo 2015 Day 5

-Giving In-

Resisting
The urge
To give in
To the laziness
To the loneliness
To the left behind feelings
And finally saying
FUCK IT!
And giving in.

2.5 seconds have passed.

NaPoWriMo 2015 Day 4

-Nightmares-

Subtle reminders of my most horrible night
An offhand comment about unrelated topics
And suddenly I'm paralyzed by memories
Unable to control the spinning
The feeling of interrupted equilibrium
Is this what it feels like to be triggered?
What being stuck in a waking nightmare is like?
I need a wake up call
To be shaken out of my stubbor
Because I don't have good dreams anymore

NaPoWriMo 2015 Day 3

-Standing Still-

Forced words and actions
Alike
Achieving nothing
But still doing it all.
It's like running in a dream
Where everything stands still
And you can't break free.
Or as my nightmares go,
You can't keep your balance on solid ground.
Expending so much energy
For so few results.
I'm tired of standing still.
I'm tired of falling down.
I'm tired.

NaPoWriMo 2015 Day 2

-Notes on a Thursday-

Reruns
And junk food
And cats

Anger-irrational
And confusion
And broken promises

Wondering
And waiting
And wishing

NaPoWriMo 2015 Day 1

-Medicine-

Everyone says that laughter is the best medicine,
But lately the medicine hasn't been enough
To chase away the crippling disease.
Maybe I need some real medicine
Something more then the 2 hour high
Of playing and learning and laughing.
Or maybe there isn't any real medicine that can help.
Maybe I'm sick forever.

Sometimes Even An Imagined Relationship Can Be Broken

United by the matching scars on our wrists

We found each other 

And pulled ourselves together.

Like moths to a light, 

We were drawn to the despair in one another.

Neither caring that we'd be zapped when we got too close.

You didn't care that my skin had rough patches.

Or that some nights I could barely talk or stop myself from crying.

Or that I was almost always stressing out about something.

And how could you?

When I didn't care that sometimes you would shake from anger.

Always managing to hold it in until I was safely away.

We were broken together.

We found each other.

And pulled ourselves together.

Three Poems On One Topic

1-
I'm lost.
Swallowed up by a haze
That I swallowed down by mistake
And that took me over
Erasing everything in it's path.
I don't know where I've been.
I don't know how I got here.
I don't know how I could let this happen.
I don't know WHAT happened.

2-
I'm scared that I lost more
So much more
Than memories and trust and my sense of safety.
I'm scared that I lost your respect.
Because you used to look at me
And for a second it was almost as if I mattered.
You haven't looked at me since.
But then, we've been apart.
I just want you to look at me again.

3-
I've become a statistic.
Another cautionary tail.
I never thought I'd be the one.
And yet...
"You were lucky""It could have been worse"
"Maybe next time you won't..."
Maybe next time I won't...?
I didn't DO anything.
I'm just going to go over here now
And try to escape the fog
Before it takes me over again
And makes me hurt someone else.