Love

My head is full
Of you.
Your voice is leaking out of my ears.
Your name colors every word from my tongue.
The smell of you lingers near my nose.
I can't stop seeing your face
Behind my eyelids
Each
Time
I
Blink.

My fingers itch to be in yours.
To keep them still I've written you a letter.
And I wrote it again.
And again.
On post-it notes.
On notebook paper.
On my heart.

I fear you
And the happiness you bring.
No single being should hold such power.
Because a word from you-
A retreating back,
A wave goodbye,
Could strike me down where I stand.

Your Hug

Your strong arms around me,

Hugging away my stress,

Are the only things keeping me sane today.

But I'm always forced to pull away too quickly.

There are so many reasons

I keep myself in check with you.

Boundaries of circumstance,

Uncertainty of your reciprocation,

Fear of losing one of my favorite friends.

But none can keep me from seeking comfort

In your hug.

Because when I'm pulling out my hair

You keep me sane,

And when I slip up

And show my affection-

You don't turn me away.

NaPoWriMo 2014 Day 30

-Open Hearted Welcome-

On the last day of April
It is the first hazy day of spring.
All I can focus on is the road in front of me
The feel of my best friends hand in mine
And the sound of her voice as she tells me the world.
The sky is full of colors
And soft, glowing clouds
But all there is
Is comforting words
Followed closely by laughter
And then revelations.
I'm here to welcome in May
With the open heart
Of a listener.

NaPoWriMo 2014 Day 29

-Warm Laughter In An Air Conditioned Theater-

On days that start like today
You don't expect much.
When you wake up to discomfort
And anxiety
And anger
You make assumptions
That all that will stay with you.
But today didn't move how it was supposed to.
In an air conditioned theater
With a friend,
I let our warm laughter lift my mood
And change my day.

NaPoWriMo 2014 Day 28

-Games-

I've played your game for so long.
I've known the rules
And I've followed them for 3 years.
And then as soon as I give up,
Throw down my cards,
Cash out my chips,
You change the rules.
You get to win the whole game,
While I'm left wondering how this all works.
Have fun playing,
I'm done with the games.

NaPoWriMo 2014 Day 27

-The Sky And I-

At noon the sky was dark-
A tumultuous, menacing, black.
It's holding something back
Something secret and possibly abominable.
The sky and I are one in the same-
Keeping secrets back from the world,
Becoming dark and scary inside,
Until we can no longer hold back
And all hell breaks loose.
Today at half past noon
The sky opened up
And it hailed.
The sky and I are no longer the same
My hail is yet to come.

NaPoWriMo 2014 Day 26

-Modern Medicine-

I never feel good when I'm like this.
Why would I?
Then it wouldn't be what it is.
They say anxiety and depression go hand in hand.
So why do I feel like I'm left with my palms empty
And lifted up to the skies
Begging.
Begging for some kind of change that will never come.
When they told me I was probably right,
That I was experiencing anxiety,
They didn't make it official.
Nowhere does it say that I've been diagnosed with anything.
All my ailments are speculative.
I've received treatment in the barest way.
When they dismissed me after one and a half visits
Because I was "sleeping a little better"
They were telling me that I was fixed
When in fact I felt more broken than before.
Now I self medicate with herbs,
With pins and needles,
With nothing helpful.
Because they didn't diagnose me.
They shuffled me around, because what I was feeling
Wasn't enough to go on.
Wasn't ENOUGH to be a problem.