-Hanging in the Balance-

You walked right back into my life

And swept me off my feet.

Leaving me to fall for you.

But I'm left to catch myself-

To hold myself suspended in like

Until you figure yourself out.

Figure out the calls at 2 in the morning.

Figure out the extra squeeze in our hugs.

Figure out the holding of hands.

I'm hanging by a thread here.

Stuck between friends and more

And my emotions are weighing me down.

-Religion, Morals, and Choice-

I don't believe

Except what I believe.

Not in someone else's "G.O.D."

Not in someone else's "God"

No all knowing, all powerful,

Vengeful, wrath filled Deity for me.

No forgiving, loving,

All good, all great balls of light either.

I don't want your religion thrust onto me

Like an ice cold bucket of water.

I don't need your morals

Coming at me like a speeding car.

I'll take no one else's beliefs but my own.

Thanks.

-Gossip-

I thought I was OK
I thought we would all get along
And then I hear them
The judgments
Coming from
Near.

They don't even know I'm here
But I am
And I can hear everything you say
And I hate you for it
Because You ruined it for yourself
Us.

-Broken Dreams-

I dreamt of you last night.
Forgiving all my hate and anger.
Taking me back in your arms,
and mending the broken pieces of me.
He was there too.
Some twisted love triangle that I never-
in waking life that is-
would have thought could exist.
And though I swore
that you were no longer allowed in my dreams,
I wasn't angry anymore
and we were together again.

-So What If My Poems Are Rants?-

I don't really miss you
like my past self would have expected.
I can read her thoughts
through past poems.

She falls in like so fast and so often
getting herself damaged at every turn.
She's slowly learning how to protect herself.

I know that you remember
some of the things you said to me.
About how these were more like rants about you
you may be a little correct now, but you're no longer the one in my dreams

-A Hot Summer Night-

Pulse pounding
like the steady beat of a song-
thrum-thrum-thudthud-thrum-thrum-thudthud.

Sweat pouring
from my brow and slicking my limbs.

Tossing and turning
all night long
on a hot summer night.

-I Can't Stop Thinking About You-

They say that you should
'love the one our with.'
And I'm trying.
But there is something pulling me
away from them,
to you.

Songs everywhere
make me think of you.
You're creeping
into my dreams.
You're hijacking
my every train of thought.
And there's nothing I can do
to stop it.

-Stormy Weather-

Tonight
the sky is charged
with electricity.
It mirrors my soul,
which is fired up
with emotions.
I love you and hate you
both
at the same time.
I see his face
when I least expect it
and it charges up the storm.
I know that it's not him I
want at night.
I don't even remember his scent.
But when it comes to who I do want
I don't know how to get
the storm started.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 30

-Regrets-

There are big regrets
And there are small regrets
In life.

I can feel them eating away
At me
Everyday.

The big ones get you down,
For sure.

But it's the small ones
That build and build
That make a difference in the end.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 29

-Home Sweet Home-

Home
Home
Home
The familiar walls
Of my childhood bedroom-
Closing in on me to surround me
In familiarity.

Home
Home
Home
Well cooked meals
Made with love and care
By my mother, for
My sisters birthday.

Home
Home
Home
My bed
Curling up for the first time in a month
On the most comfy bed
I have ever known.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 28

-Day and Night-

In the light of day
Everything seems so bleak
And miserable
And fucked up.
Most of the time
The daylight makes me want to punch someone.

But when darkness falls
Everything is lighter
As if the times were reversed.
All my anger and misery disappears.
Because there is laughter
And friendship
And cuddling in warmth.
Most of the time
The nighttime makes me want to love someone.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 27

-Blocking Paloozia!-

Sometimes all that it takes
To make a day the best
Is some sugar,
Some laughter,
Some lovely people,
And a whole lot of love.

Intense moments
Are broken up with laughter.
The smiles at the dirty jokes
Brighten my day.
This was a wonderful
Example of how every rehearsal
Should be.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 26

-Anticipation-

Waiting without realizing
What I was waiting for.
I held my breath for weeks
Until you came back.
Now there's more comfort then
I've ever honestly felt
And I'm holding my breath for some more.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 25

-Harry Potter Is My Life-

As I feel my childhood
Slipping slowly away, I have fear.
As I race towards the future
And the end draws near.

But I'm clinging to the past;
To the wise words once said.
Because Harry Potter will forever be
In my heart, my soul, never dead.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 24

-The Sacred Harp-

Fa
Sol
La
Mi

Raising my voice high
In praise;
Not of what the words speak of-
But praise for the music.
Praise for my sacred harp.
Praise for my voice.

Fa
Sol
La
Mi

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 23

-Mixed Emotions-

Life is a mixed bag.
It's full of wonderful emotions
And confusing situations.
Like the ones where you must chose
To stay where it's safe
And relatively painless.
Or to go where you've never been before.
Down the path of new growth.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 22

-A Day Wasted-

The sun's setting
On a day wasted.
A day I could have spent
Doing so many things.
Things that will bring rewards
And things that will only make things messier.
I did neither.
And I might regret it for a long while.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 21

-Thank Goodness-

Thank goodness for small favors.
Thank goodness for laughter.
Thank goodness for the sun.
Thank goodness for my education.
Thank goodness for my patiance.
Thank goodness for the theater.
Thank goodness for today.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 20

-The Best Medicine-

Laughter is the best medicine
They say.
It makes you feel good
When things are bad.
It pushes away the darkness
And brightens the room.

But is that true?
Is that hope false?
Is there a light at the end
Of this tunneling day?
The laughter makes me think so.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 19

-Late-

This poem is late
Because I was so busy
That's why it is short

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 18

-A Short Little Thing-



This poem will be short-

Not long in it's verse

Because I've been stuck

Thinking how things could be worse.

We're both not around

And I'll admit that I've found

Myself thinking about how much I want you to hold me.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 17

-At Peace-

I close my eyes
and I feel so at ease-
so at peace.

If I could,
I'd spend my whole life
dreaming.

It's the same feeling
I get
when I listen to music.

Smooth Jazz or
Classical or
Electrical beats.

Like nothing can touch me-
like I'm in another universe-
and never want to leave.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 16

-Today-

I didn't feel like writing
today.
I felt like staying in bed until 4
today.
I read for class in the sun
today.
I missed someone I barely know
today.
I dreamed of the future
today.
I didn't feel like writing
today.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 15

-...-

The silence
surrounds me
slides like silk
around my body.
It presses down on me
from all sides
slowly forcing me to surrender.
The silence
envelopes me
making me invisible
granting me the freedom
to walk by unnoticed
by those I hate
as well as by those I love.
The silence
brings me closer to understanding
where I belong
and why I am
where I am.
The silence
.
.
.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 14

-Idiot-

Some days,
I feel like an idiot.
It's just the little things-
a joke that no one laughs at,
a text misinterpreted and responded to,
a comment that halts the discussion.
There's no way to go back and change it.
I'm just stuck,
feeling stupid.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 13

-Fairytale Romance-

I know how much
it is to ask for.
I know how unrealistic
it is to want.
But does that stop me?
Does that stop anyone?
Would you tell those
four year old girls,
with their pigtails, and their big dreams of love,
that Prince Charming
can turn into the big bad wolf at the drop of a hat?
Or that bride-to-be,
with her bags all packed, and her life planned out,
that her knight in shinning armour
will leave her for a younger damsel?
No.
We all have our dreams,
our lofty expectations,
and we won't let anything take them away.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 12

-Good-

Today has been good
Better then the rest this week
More good days to come

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 11

-Ear Ache-

My inner ear is
ACHING!
My outer ear is
ACHING!
But only on my left side.
Can you make it stop?
Please tell me that you can!
For my focus is focused
solely on the pain.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 10

-April Showers-

They say:
"April showers, bring May flowers"
but they forgot to mention-
April showers also bring:
sore throats,
stuffy noses,
ear aches,
the cold and flu.
Along with:
muddy messes,
tons of homework,
play rehearsals,
and romance too.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 9-

-Lazy-

Postponement-
delayed reactions-
later-

All of the reasons for laziness
pulling me in
enticing me
like Pinocchio
in the land of bad boys.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 8

-And The Sun Came Out-

There has been darkness
and cold
for months now.
Dripping itself
into our subconsciousness.

I could smell it before it came;
breaking all of our
dazed dreariness away.
We all looked upwards-
and the sun came out.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 7

-Sleeplessness-

Heavy eyelids
dragging me closer to
dreams.
Free floating adventures-
mixing in with the
heart-stopping,
electrifying dreams
of you.
Waiting for the tide
to pull me back under;
drowning the pleasantness
in consciousness.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 6

-Trust-

I have my ear to the ground
waiting for you
to drop the mother of all bombs.

Exploding my sky;
sending it hurling out into the universe
in a million tiny pieces.

One sentence.
One conversation.
One decision.
Could be my downfall.

You have so much power.
It's not safe to give that all to someone.
So don't blow this buddy,
because it could be the end of us all.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 5

-Wonderland?-

If I fell
down
the
rabbit
hole
Would the world go all
tervy-
topsy?
How far
would
I
fall
before I landed somewhere
I belonged?

The Queen of Hearts (<3)
would great me;
The Mad Hatter
would invite me to tea;
And The Caterpillar
might even smoke me out.

But would I remember
who
I
am/was?
Would the Alice in me
takeover and eat
the cookies that say
"Eat Me"?
And drink the liquid that says
"Drink Me"?
Would I grOW IN SIZE?
OR SHRink back down?

I think that maybe
I'd just want to
climb
back
up
the rabbit hole;
into my own backyard;
into my own life.

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 4

-Nervous-

Anxiousness twisting
My stomach into tight knots
On a Monday night

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 3

-The Maker Of Beauty-

I often wonder
If I am truly beautiful.
Is my soul
Appealing?
Or covered in superficianess,
And hate?

Who is the one,
To tell me if I'm beautiful?
Inside and out?
Who makes up the rules?
And why can't I just throw them out?

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 2

-Afterwords-

I lay in my bed afterwords;
Muscles relaxed-
Head light and floaty-
Limbs sore-
Flesh tingling-

How am I not changed?
I thought for sure I'd be someone new.
Yet here I am afterwords-
Fundamentally the same;
The alterations too small to see

NaPoWriMo 2011 Day 1

-I Won't be Aprils Fool-

There are so many new choices
rushing up
from my submerged subconscious.

Struggling with my grip
on responsibility
and personal morals.

I'm weighted down with my wish
for you
to be truthful and understanding.

This may be April fools
but I
won't be the one to be laughed at.

Spring Cleaning

It's sad that I have to move on
Again.
This time I wanted it the least.

But the seasons are changing,
Frigid cold to damp,
And spring cleaning is coming up.

Someone else wants the space
The one that you're not using-
The space in my heart.

So I'm going to lease it out for a bit.
But it's still there,
If you ever come back.

The Room

There's so much space here now.
Blank walls;
Empty drawers;
Desk Space.

What am I going to do with it?
Use it to make Birthday Cards and Valentines-
For the ones who shut me out,
And leave the planning to me?

Curl up on that extra bed,
Waiting for messages that never come;
Doing homework;
Getting drunk and homesick.

The white walls taunt me.
"No new photos to pin on us?"
"No creativity to cover the canvas?"
Emptiness.

This big room.
Not enough of me to fill it.
Lock myself in
And sit alone.

Alone

Fuck you-
Inviting me in and then ignoring me.
Seducing me into a false sense of belonging
And then taking it away.
I can here you in the hall;
Voices drunk with inclusion.
Slowly seeping into my brain
And pulling at the nagging edges,
Proving that I don't belong