NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 30

-Little Sister-

The years have passed
Both quickly and slowly.
Too long before you're too old
Not young for long enough.
I see you grow to my age
And beyond
And stay the same baby sister to me.
21 is still a child, but now an adult.

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 29

-Beliefs-

I'm not sure what I believe in.
God, or god, Gods or gods, or some universal force.
Or a monster that floats in the air made of noodles and meatballs.
I have my convictions.
And my personal rules and morals.
But who am I to say
That I know what is out there?
How can one book get it ALL right?
All the best stories are at least a trilogy.
So there must be something more.
At least for me.

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 28

-Stormy Time-

The thick rolling clouds
Turn day into night
Dragging the day out.
The electricity in the air
Makes my head fuzzy
Breaking my already tenuous focus
On my work.
A storm is brewing
And so is a nap

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 27

-Piano-

Black and White
The weight of the keys
Under my fingers is comforting.
Sound washing over me
And expressing more emotion
Than words ever could.
My soul feels old just listening.
Now, if only I knew how to play.

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 26

-Boxes-

When I was a child
A box was the best gift I could receive.
A box could become anything I wanted it to be.

A ship.
The engine of a train.
My babies cradle as I rocked her to sleep.

My grandmother would cut the boxes into beds
With a roof over where our heads would be.
We would press stickers to the walls
To create the perfect sleepover cave.

At night we would unroll our sleeping bags
Into the box-bed on the floor.
We would stare up at the images of kitties and hearts
We had carefully chosen.
And fall asleep to the thought
That this was the safest place ever.

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 25

-Dreamscape-

I wander, nightly.
Through the streets
Of a city
That only exists in my mind.

I used to depart to new landscapes each night.
But as of late
It's the same labyrinth each time.

An amalgam of places
I've both been to
Or seen in fiction.

I cross into the city over the Golden Gate Bridge,
With it's red arches.
The streets of San Francisco are now NYC, Tokyo, Portland, Olympia, and more.
A jumble of alleys and buildings
I've visited
And corners where I've parked my car.

Each night as the city presents itself to me
I try to climb through
A web of streets and stairs;
Nooks and crannies.

And each night, I wonder.
Lost in a city that both does
And doesn't exist.

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 24

-Purple Dreams-

I've dreamt of being wrapped
In a warm, sensuous, velvet blanket
Of the deepest purple.
And people brought me gifts.
They lay them before me
And I was humbled by their generosity.
I was warm and loved
And content

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 23

-My Wish For You-

Overwhelmed by you
And the fact that you
Are also overwhelmed.
I just want to reach inside you
And tear out all the sadness
And anger
And pain.
To just leave you
With the happiness you bring me everyday.
And be only happy together.

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 22

-Parallel Flashback-

Today was like a flashback
To some time I've never lived
Some shopping trip with some other family
Where we didn't fight
And we didn't tease
And we all got what we wanted
Some parallel world has opened up
And swallowed us up
And spat us out with memories of a future we can have

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 21

-For Better or For Worse-

Returning to my regurally scheduled workout
Leaves me feeling better than before
Yet also worse that it took so long
To drive the 3 miles down the road
To get out of the car
To walk into the building
It took 3 weeks
To return
And I feel better and worse
Than before

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 20

-Done-

I'm so done
With the people
This place
The things I'm forced to do
And luckily I'm almost out
Almost free
Almost done

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 19

-Small Joys-

The smallest achievements
Bring me such joy.
Virtual accomplishments,
The smallest irritation overcome,
Resisting one snack in favor of a smaller one.
These are the things that bring me joy

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 18

-Irrational-

Irrational anger
Lashing out
You can't help what you don't know
But my knowledge only brings rage
And irritation
And sadness

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 17

-Bad Dreams-

Nightmares from good things

Are the hardest to endure

Happiness to fear

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 16

-Just Another Customer-

A long forgotten face
Appears at my side
And I cringe
Because I never wanted to see it again
Never wanted to interact
With this ghost of yesterday
The spirit of bad boyfriends past
You acted like you didn't treat me badly
Like you didn't cheat
And rage
And guilt me
Like you didn't hit on my mother on our first date
And you didn't hurl accusations
Across that gravel driveway
You were a mistake
One I've come to terms with
And moved passed in the past 9 years
So I'll continue to ignore you
And pretend I don't know your name
That you are just another customer

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 15

-Cleaning-

Order should follow in my wake
But I see only destruction
The organizing only creating
Panic
And anxiety
So why bother
When I can live
In
This
Mess

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 14

-Grocery Store-

Beep.
..
..
Beep.
..
..
Beep.
..
..
..
..
Beep.
..
..
The heartbeat
Reducing and picking up speed.
The constant hum of machines
The rustling of pape
The murmur of the ever present masses.
The blank eyes staring
The smell of disinfectant and unknown food.
The fluorescent lights and hopelessness.

Beep.
..
..
..
Beep.
..
..
Beep.
..
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
..
..
..
..
..
..

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 13

-Together-

Carving out a space
Two lives fitting into one
Our souls together

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 12

-Tanookie-

My baby
My pup
My heart and soul.
You enrage me and love me
You drive me up a wall
I could never give you up
My pup

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 11

-Planning With You-

Planning a day
With
You

Planning a proposal
With
You

Planning a wedding
With
You

Planning a home
With
You

Planning a family
With
You

Planning a life
With
You

Planning a future
With
You

Planning a dream
A hope
A wish
With
You.

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 10

-Tired-

Lethargy overtakes me
And crushes my motivation
All I want is to join you in sleep
And stay beside you even in dreams
Yet I am here
Awake
And writing

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 9

-Two Weeks Notice-

Making my great escape
Not a moment too soon
Before my top blows
And the lava spews forth
From the hot molten anger inside of me
Breaking the surface of my peaceful
Mountain facade
Flinging the villagers into
Mortal peril

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 8

-New-

Whispers if the future
Softly to my dreams
Of a new life and standard of living
Quiet tales of new starts
And and fearful jumping off points
Jumping ahead
Jumping in
If you listen,
You can just make out the sound
Of a new dawn

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 7

-Written in Sand-

Our love is not
written in sand.
Washed away by the
ever changing tide.
With no sense of
permanence.
Our love is like the
ocean.
Vast and boundless
and full of great
depth.

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 6

-I Can See The Future-

Staring at my future
Head on
A guessing game
That I won
I know what's coming
But not when or where or how
But that what is enough
To appease my swirling mind

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 5

-You're Turning Violet, Violet!-

I'm so full
But so empty
Like I'm trying to fill in
The carved out chunks of myself.
The craters that the anxiety leaves
Filled in with bad habits
And pressure
And more anxiety
Stop me before I become like Violet;
The giant blueberry girl inside of me
Is just waiting to inflate.
In hopes that someone will take pity and deflate me.
All that will be left is a blue tinge
And some filled in holes.

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 4

-Tonight and Forever-

I can barely keep my eyes open
Can't see
Or think
Or even smell straight
My brain is in a fog
Of love
With you
Tonight
And forever

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 3

-Sins of Creativity-

If imitation
Is the sincerest form of
Flattery
Then is plagiarism really a sin?
On days when I am lacking
My own creativity
I just want to find
Someone else's words
That describe the mess that is my head
And claim them
As my own.
Stealing is the sincerest sin of creativity.

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 2

-I Couldn't Get Back To Sleep-

Laying in bed
Thoughts of you
Ebbing and flowing
Like waves on the shores of my mind.
Without your soft breathing
And warm body
Beside me
I can't set sail to dreams silent shores.

NaPoWriMo 2016 Day 1

-Change-

Wishing
And hoping
And praying to a god I'm not even sure exists
For some change in my position.
Wanting them to call
And congratulate me
And secretly fearing that if they do
It will all be a cruel joke.
Change. Change. Change.
Never enough change.
I've worked too hard for this
Yet there is never change in myself
Only ever in my circumstance.