A Message to Society

Give me some time to think-
Some room to breathe.
I can't focus under your stifling judgments.
And who are you to judge?
I've never seen you around here
When things get tough
Or when I'm lower than low.
You just hang on the highs;
My upward moving moments.
So you don't get to dissect the parts of me you see-
Not until you've seen all of me-
Then you can inquire about what those parts truly mean.

A Poem Written With My New Haiku Blocks

-A Regret About Our World-

His one brothers words
Between all war, with no God
It's life that he fears

Air Pressure

This build-up of pressure,
Tonight
Could kill me.

Leaving me exploding,
Into numbness
Is so unfair.

Worse then the truth-
Sending chills up my arms,
Suspending me in consciousness.

I can't change this
I can't do this
I can't walk away.

Please save me
From this endless self-destruction
And say I'm yours.

So Fucking Over It!

There's something so strange
About the way you can still
Make me shake with grief
And slam things in anger
Just with a glance
And a few simple words,
Meant for someone else-
Anyone else.

That night we sat,
Holding hands
In the flickering glare of the images on TV.
You smelling of booze,
And me just buzzed enough to let things happen.
You USED me,
You BROKE me,
And just for a moment
You WANTED me.
And that's what I can't let go.
So I'll sit here,
Falling for someone, who's not you,
And I'll just be angry
That I was stupid enough to care about that night.

Unexpressed

I'm writing you letters that I'll never send you-
Drawing doodles that I'll never show you-
Singing songs that will never be about you-

I wish I could-
I wish I would-
I wish that we could be.

That First Night

Images flash-
the smooth caress of flesh,
the brush of hair,
the softness of your breath.

And I can feel your heart beating,
underneath my palm
and against my back
as you hold me close in the early afternoon hours

I kiss you and I let myself linger
not pulling away,
just breathing in your exhale
as we brush noses

I can't think of anything more perfect-
more wonderfully exhilarating-
then laying comfortably asleep
in your arms

Good Night

Hours and hours
Passing me by...
Sleep creeping up on me
In the stolen night
Of dancing and yelling and darkness.

Coffee and TV
On a couch with strangers...
You and I sit in mindlessness
At 3 am
When sleep evades and sound overwhelms

Today

It's dark and gray outside
The gloom swallowing up the Saturday.
Yet I can sit,
Reading and listening to french music,
And feel perfectly content-
Even though there's not much to tell
Or to really think too deep about-
I can still see the silver lining in you.

November 6th, 2010 11:20 PM

I lean my head on the bed-
Inhale the scent of home
And think of words that don't come

The dun dun dun of the classical music-
That unlocks the window and lets the fog
Wrap around my brain

And lets me ponder the fact that he said yes-
To a date? To nothing?
I can't be sure, but tonight all is well.

Fall

I inhale
The cold, crisp air
That smells of fresh fallen leaves.
That air signals the end of warmth;
The end of summer;
The wearing of sweatshirts
And of scarfs and woollen socks
Brought out of storage
After a long hibernation.
All of this from a breath of air
Taken into my lungs,
On a cool, calm day.

Like Lady Macbeth

No matter how much I purge
Through words and tears
I can't get this dark
Rejected feeling
OUT
OUT
OUT
Like Lady Macbeth
The blood spots haunting me
But I've done nothing wrong
And there's nothing I can do to change it

Last Friday Night

I know what it's like
To kiss your lips
To feel your hand in mine
To have you hold me

You don't remember
And I can't forget

You told me not to tell
But everyone knows

I know what it's like
To kiss your lips
To feel your hand in mine
To have you hold me

Writing Poetry

It's so good to write poetry again.
It's like coming home
And breathing in the scent
Of everything you'd forgotten.

Or picking up your baby blanket
And sobbing into it,
For no reason other then that you needed to cry.
To get the bad emotions out so you could live.

That's what it's like.
Writing poetry.
For me.
Tonight.

Never

All the hopes and dreams I had for this time
Are not coming true.
Sure there are aspects of this life-
The parties
And the boys
And the work-
That I totally expected.
But in all honesty,
This is so much harder then I had planed.
I have never been so homesick
Never felt so alone and left out
Never ever wished that there were people in the place I live that would just go away forever.
But that's life
And I've just got to cry it away
Before it consumes me.

I can't Tell

I can't tell if this
Is just the lagging's of a hangover
Or genuine self doubt
Or loneliness like I've never before felt.

I can't tell how it
Would feel to touch your lips to mine
Or to let you know how I feel
Or to inflict some act of violence on those who hate me.

I can't tell what it
Would take to bring me back to normal
Or to make me speak the truth
Or to finally break down and cry.

I can't tell you
Everything I'm feeling inside
Or the bitter sting of rejection I feel from such little things
Or that I can't decide which of you I truly like.

-College Feelings-

There are so many feelings
Rushing up to great me
Every single day here.

Some are wonderful;
A new friendship
A smile, a handshake, a soft touch

And some are confusing;
A fading dream
An unfinished essay, a sneer, an avoidance

It's all so unnerving
Everything that's happening
At college.

Lonesome

Just when everything feels natural.
When I've become someone so
Different then I've ever been before.
The same feeling hits,
That maybe people don't like me as much
As I thought they did.
And we aren't really friends.
And I'm not really a part of the group.
So I'm stuck,
Alone,
In a room by myself listening to the sounds
Of happiness threw my window.

Books

I read these stories
In the big books on my shelves.
But I can't help but notice,
My thoughts aren't nearly as linear
As the characters I read about.

Am I just a jumbled mess of words?
Or is it them?
Are they the ones who have it all wrong?
The only way to know, is to keep reading.

College Is Less Than 1 Month Away

I can't stand it.
Leaving here
Where all my memories
Have been born.

I can't hold on-
Can't grip the rock
Of reality. And below me
Are the sharp rocks of the unknown.

I glance out my familiar window
And see the same sight
That I've seen everyday
Of my familiar life.

What's in store?
What's around that river bend?
All I can see
Is the blank vastness of opportunity.

The Never-ending End

I feel it when I'm with you.
It's something that I just
Cannot explain;
This spark between you and

I

You are so reliable.

I find myself trusting you with

Every piece of me;

Keeping my heart just where it was

Left

There is no one else I'd rather have.

No one else I'd die for

Everyday, even now;

I love

You

With all your talent and grace.

I could admire you

For the rest of my life;

My ovation is

Standing

First sight had me shoot.

Straight through to

The heart;

Like a voice whispering, "look-

There

You held me every night.

Reassuring me that things would

Turn out better;

That I'd never be

Alone.

Moving Forward

It always happens.
We all grow up.
We all leave.
We all get left.
The key is to just embrace it;
Abandon the fear.
Acceptance is the thing.

The Trivial Tapestry

The voices of the children,
Rehearsing, laughing, learning,
Are woven in and out

The paychecks of the workers
Dwindling, depositing, cashing,
Are strung into the mess

The sun of the summer
Hiding, beating, burning,
Washes out the work

The earths dirt and grime
Cradling, covering, devouring,
All the work that you've done

On that trivial tapestry.

-A Nice Way Of Saying-

"It's too tight, the dress must have shrunk."
Is just a nice way of saying
"You've gained weight."

"My mom said no."
Is just a nice way of saying
"I'm too lazy to go."

"I'm still in love with someone else."
Is just a nice way of saying
"I'm not in love with you."

You

I'm so tired
Of this in and out;
This round about world
That you have me living in.
You make my temples pound
And my heart race
And my palms sweat.
All I can think about,
Is how sweet it would be
To kiss your lips,
To touch your skin,
To say your name.
But I can't shake the feeling
That you're no different
From all the rest.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 30

-The Final Poem (Of The Month)-

I could hardly bare
To sit down
And write this poem.
So I dillied
And I dallied
And I avoided my laptop.
I helped with surprises
And did something artistic
And even attended a sporting event.
But in the end
I realized
I still had to sit down
To write my final poem.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 29

-Almost Gone-

The month has almost
Gone
And yet I'm unfulfilled.

Today is almost
Gone
And I'm creatively exhausted.

This school years almost
Gone
And I'm so ready for summer.

High school is almost
Gone
And I'm frightened for the future.

Childhood is almost
Gone
And I feel like it went to fast.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 28

-Or-

Everyone tells me

That I should write about

Giving blood.

Again.

But what about

The rain?

Or

About painting?

How about

My yellow ray of light?

Or

Driving?

I'd like to write about

Crying and music.

Or

About how I felt

When I shook hands with someone new.

Or what about

How the month is almost gone?

Or

The star I'll one day become?

I can't write about

The play I plan to write.

Or

The dreams I have at night.

So maybe I'll take their advice.

And write about being queasy.

And getting better.

And saving a life.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 27

-Just One Of Those Days-

It's just one of those days
When a weekend is suddenly
Shot wide open.
When your friends aren't
Nearly as sympathetic
As you'd thought.
When you want the rain to fall
And it just stops.
When you think everything
Is destined to go wrong all day
Then it's just surprisingly good.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 26

-Jazz Music, Love Stories and New Shampoo-

The slow croon
On a rainy
Monday
Afternoon.
With a handmade quilt
Pulled tight around me.
Both providing shelter
From unwanted emotion.

Serendipitous meetings
On subway cars.
Random
Happenstance.
Star crossed lovers bring
Hope and tears,
Together in one,
For relief.

A new scent
On ever strand.
Refreshing
Sensations.
As it cleanses
My wild mess of hair,
It revitalises
My weary soul.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 25

-The Lazy Aftermath-

On the day after the rushing around
I found
Messes in the kitchen,
Shoes scattered across the living room floor,
And dishes waiting to be done.

I sat and reminisced
About things not so long passed,
Like dances and lost confidence and pounding hearts.
And I realized that I needed a lazy day.

So I took one.
Stole it right out from under some tabby cats nose.
I used it, like a broom,
To sweep up the remnants of the past three weeks.
To put them together in a Mosaic of memories.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 24

-Prom Preparation-

In the hustle and bustle
I lost track of time.
I forgot myself
And all I had to do.
And now I'm here
With my hair all done up
And my make up too,
With no time left
To write this.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 23

-Spirit-

Spirit is how you define it.
Is it:
Dressing up in your school colors?
(And being one of the few.)
A floating apparition?
(That may or may not be real.)
The meaning of a season or day?
(Because we all just LOVE the holidays.)
Spirit is how you define it.

NaPoWriMo Day 22

-Strawberry Seeds-

I have a strawberry seed
Stuck between
My back teeth.
I cannot think of anything else.
Just the feel of that tiny seed
Lodged in the crevece
Of my molars.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 21

-Monotony-

On and on
The day drones.
Sameness and so on
And so on.
We get no change,
In the day to day,
At least that we can notice.
An endless
Sustained note
In the background
Of our minds.
It is life.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 20

-The Rain-

The rain seems to have
Washed away
All my other ideas.
And in their place
Left puddles
That I can splash in.
Just splatters of ideas.
Not nearly enough to form
One complete poem.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 19

-Looking Ahead-

I won't focus on the negative.
Not today.
I will only look to the future.
To days of new adventures.
To days of new learning.
To days of peace.
Where no one I know can reach me.
And nothing of my past exists.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 18

-Fear-

I have fears
Even on the brightest
Of spring days.

Not the
"Monster under the bed"
Fears.

Or the
"Nuclear explosion"
Kind either.

Mine are the fears of poetry.
Darkness swallowing you whole.
Heartbreak suffocating you.

The real fears.
The ones you all have too.
The fearful fears.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 17

-The Paths Of Life-

I am standing
At a crossroad
In my life.

I don't know
Which way to go.
Which path to choose.

Because I've started
Down the one less traveled
And it's not really getting me where I want to go.

But the one that's smoothed
Seems so boring
And predictable.

So do I choose difficult?
Or worn?
Or should I get a machete and cut my own?

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 16

-What The Silence Brings-

Silence, slowly seeping
Into my numb brain
Waking me up
To words I wish you'd say
And those I wish I could say
And those that we never will.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 15

-I Want You-

It's time like this
When I think of you.
When the sun comes to great me
And I need a reason to wake.
I want you to be my reason.

It's times like this
When I think of you.
When I sit alone at lunch
And I need someone to talk to.
I want you to be my listener.

It's times like this
When I think of you.
When I walk down the halls
And I need a hand to hold.
I want you to be my holder.

It's times like this
When I think you.
When I drive home in my car
And I need someone to sing to.
I want you to be my audience.

It's time like this
When I think of you.
When I'm watching the sunset on a warm spring night
And I need someone to lean on.
I want you to be my someone.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 14

-Discontent-

I'm afraid
That the novelty
Of all these games
You're playing
Is starting to wear off.
I'm moving, swiftly,
Back towards the
Melancholy
That I'd so unwittingly started
To think was gone,
If not for good,
Then at least for
The time being,
Your "almosts" and
Your "buts" and
Your "thing's" are
Slowly wearing me down,
Scraping off the
Fresh coat of paint
On my newly refurbished
Confidence and hope.
And I really don't have the
Time, strength, or will
To go buy another
Can to
Fix it up so soon.
So please,
Please, please, PLEASE!
Just finish this
Game or scrape
Off the last of
Th paint
So that I can
Finally get some sleep.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 13

-Exhaustion-

I'm so tired
Mentally
Physically
Intellectually
Spiritually

From the abundance of tension
From the lack of sleep
From the cryptic messages
From the build up of hope

I'll try everything
To stay awake
So that I can figure out
You

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 12

-Sound-proof-

For a poet,
Being left without words-
Having them snatched
And hidden from you-
Is unnerving.
Now here I am
Silenced by your silence
Nauseous from the quiet
And full from the words unsaid.
Your words-
Typed
Texted
Spoken-
Are bringing me closer
To getting out
Of this sound-proof room.
All that's left
Is for you
To turn the key to the door.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 11

-Thanks For Texting Me Back-

My Sunday has been...
Insignificant
Arid
Bland
Colourless
Dull
Tedious
And boring
Until the moment
When you pressed "reply to text"
And my phone's dinging
Lifted me out of the haze
And into your words

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 10

-On My Mind-

Yesterday flowed into today
Which was sunny
And blue
And it made me happy
Which is more then I can say
For most of the other things in my life lately.

And as much as I hate admitting it
The reason I'm getting better-
Getting on with life-
Is because there's someone.
Someone who can make me laugh
And smile
And float
And hope that maybe he's not going to break my heart.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 9

-Exposure-

I've heard that people are reading
What I am writing.
These words that
Simply fall from my head
Onto the page
Of my tattered little notebook
That I carry in my purse
And then leap from my hands
To the computer
And fly away to the Internet.
Such a simple journey
And yet
People are reading
What I'm writing

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 8

-I'm Okay.-

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.
I keep repeating
To myself
In hopes that one day soon it will be completely true.
That I won't feel empty
Or like I'm somehow lying

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.
I keep repeating
To those around me
Because I care enough to keep it hidden.
They don't need to know
It's better that they don't

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.
I keep repeating
To the dark curving road
With it's pools of light formed by the street lamps.
As I grit my teeth
Against what you're not supposed to say

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.
I keep repeating
To the familiar patterns of my pillow case.
The only one who will listen
When the tears won't stop
And the world becomes to much for me to bare

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 7

-Moving Forward-

I'm no longer planning for my future
I'm starting to do it.
No more filling in class slots and required maths
No more scheduled "forecasting"

I'm moving on to doing.

I'm no longer standing idly by with my feelings
I'm starting to act on them
No more watching and earning from afar
No more emotional investments when there's no glimmer of a spark

I'm moving on to growing up.

I'm no longer trying to hard to write
I'm starting to just let it flow
No more forced words
No more false emotions

I'm moving forward.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 6

-Commitment-

When you just forget
About everything else that's going on
And just be in the moment,
Be totally invested-
Totally committed-
To what your doing,
You can achieve all you've ever dreamed.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 5

-"I Could Never Hate You"-

I know I should be upset, but I can't be
Not with them, not for something like this.
I can't blame them.
Not with them being who they are,
Two wonderful, thoughtful, crazy awesome people,
Who hold such important places in my life.
I wouldn't dream of denying them happiness.

But even though there's a lack of anger,
There is no lack for hurt.
Hurt that they'd assume I'd be so mean,
That I'd be so quick to kick them out of my life.
Hurt that they didn't tell me from the start,
That they waited for me to figure it out on my own.
And hurt that it does hurt,
When I so desperately don't want it to.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 4

-Today I Went To A Park-

Today I went to a park
And saw it through the eyes
Of a 3 year old
And it was adventure

Today I sat on the floor
And saw it through the eyes
Of a 1 year old
And it was overwhelming

Today I ate at a nice restaurant
And saw it through the eyes
Of the adult I'm becoming
And it was humbling

Today I sat in my bed
And saw it through the eyes
Of an 18 year old
And it simply was

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 3

-No Sadness To Speak Of-

Sometimes, the tears just come
With no reason to speak of
Except that it's life

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 2

-Reflecting On 6:30 This Morning-

This Morning, as the sun rose
and my 5 alarms began to wail
I rolled over, fighting
the sweet lullaby of the rain
Which, pattering on the rooftop near my head
tried to lull me peacefully back to unconsciousness.
But it's so hard to say no
when there's no fight left in me
When all I want
is to be carried away by the rain and wind.

NaPoWriMo 2010 Day 1

-Preparation-

Again, I've been waiting
For the day when pranks are pulled.
Not because I'm a joker
But for a much more literary reason

I've waited to write
In metered verse; in rhythms; in rhymes.
Once a day, 30 times in a row
And I can't lie, I'm totally prepared.

I've been gathering-
Like a bird building a home in spring
Writing down little bits and pieces of my life
To use on one, where I lose inspiration.

Writers block has nothing on me;
Won't take hold and pull me under.
Because I've got my life vest
To keep me afloat, all month long.

Currently Empty

There is this

Quiet
Empty
Space
Right here in my chest


I'm sure you can see it
Because it's
Gaping and
Black
And deep
And Bleeding

I feel like,
Since it came back (because it's been here before)
I've been going through life
In a haze
A hangover-like state
A formerly-perfect setting
Cruise Control

No band aide
Or plaster can fill the hole
Because I've tried
So hard
And the only things that help
To make me whole
Are no good


They are fleeting
Or morally damaging
Or emotionally draining
Or all three and more at once

So I'm just going to have to go on living
With this hole in my body
Hoping that people will stop staring
And that someday I can find
Something to fill it

I Feel Weird...

Posting something other then Poetry here.
But I just would like
To inform you
That I've started up
Another spilling of my guts
On my former mountain top
If you'd like to experience it with me
Then follow the leader
To the confessional booth.

http://veiwfrommymountain.blogspot.com/

I'm Filled With A Lot Of Angry Words

I just don't know
What to do with myself.
I hate everything I do
With such a passion, you'd be frightened
If you could see it.

I'm kicking myself
With every passing day.
I can't think,
I'm so consumed with my
Self criticism

I wish things got easier
With the feedback.
But guess what?
The negative isn't helping
And it's canceling the positive.

Without A Doubt

I am doubtful
Suddenly unsure
Of every spoken line
Of every movement made
Of every emotion 'felt'

This sudden faltering
Catches me off gaurd
This was my past
This was my present
This was my future

How can I be so confident
In my lack of confidence?
I want the known
I want the familiar
I want my goals

For now, every moment
Is one more of darkness
Bringing tears
Bringing confusion
Bringing doubt

Untitled

The hardest part
Of a poem
Is the title

Because
If I can't get that right
None of the other words matter much
And I'll scrap it all

It's important
That those first impressions
Capture you

But really
It's just a title
And I should move on
Before I lose something great

The Welcome

It's been awhile
And it still feels right
To be right here
With them

I sometimes doubt
If this is where I'm meant to be
Because I've got my future
Hanging over my head

But all of that evaporates
When I step out
And feel the lights wrap themselves around me
Welcoming me to the stage
Welcoming me home

Insperation

Like the strike of lightening
I feel the words
Electrocute me
Sending a surge of energy through my limbs

But like that flash of power
It never seems to hit the same place twice
Leaving my sky dark
And the rumble of thunder:the memory of the poem that could have been